Feeling something different

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From the last few weeks, there has been playing something different kinds of feelings inside me. My heart and mind is not being able to get control over them. Those feelings are trying to take me some other where. They are disturbing my works and study. Actually, they are trying to disturb my every personal and professional thing. They are trying to take me far from my dream met. They are trying to take me away from my family and friends. They are trying to change my dream life and they are trying to disturb my plans and ambitions which I have been thinking from the last many years.


As like of everyone, I have also planned to have a sustainable job, handsome income, a lovely beloved, beautiful house in the middle of trees and flowers as like of heaven, own vehicle, two little kids, surrounded by other family members and friends. Still I am struggling to get fulfilled all those dreams. Everything is going as per the plans and hopes although the time frame is taking longer.


Suddenly, some factors started to strike on my mind. I don’t know whether it is the effect of the movie about the Buddha, the novel “Ghanachakkar”, the news about the destructions, the growing individualism, increasing lack of belief and selfishness among each others, rising misunderstanding between the dearest, the news about the Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan (only for the symbol of current lives), the same job from the past six years, the useless course books in practice of our day to day lives, or the losing world whatever the factors are, those all are moving here and there every seconds in my mind. They have made a playground inside me. Sometimes, I feel that Roberto Carlos has entered in my mind and he is hitting free kicks every time. What the hell is happening inside me?


Sometimes, I fear about the certainty of the death that we all have to die one day. And, I think that I have past 25 years of my life and the days are passing fast and fast. I think about the world and feel that there are lots of things to see and lots of things to experience. There are lots of happiness to enjoy and many more moments to cry. There are lots of dreams to fulfill. But, we are wasting our precious lives inside a small boundary of selfishness and egos. For someone, to get a good job may be the dream of life, for someone to have a happy family may be the success of life, for someone to get a beautiful house and car may be the fulfillment of life and for someone to get food for one time a day and a small shelter from the rain and sun may be the meaning of life.


Similarly, some feelings are striking inside me. I am feeling worthless to having a good job, a sweet love, a small house and passing life as ordinarily. Something is encouraging me to read the books and watch the movies which shows the reality of the lives of the world, to travel as much as you can to see all the parts of hills and valleys, steady fields, seas and oceans, strangers snow fields, huge buildings to sandal grounds, to taste the American launch to African dinner, to experience the eastern culture to western life style, want to get drunkard and lie on the ground looking at the stars on the open night sky. I want to travel all over the world reading beautiful novels and having sip of the whisky all my life making friends and girl friends all around. I want to see the lives of the people living in a common earth but with a vast different between each other. I want to write something which reflects the reality, the miseries, the fake smile, the darkness behind the beautiful eyes, and the ugly face behind the nice earth.


I don’t know how to start and what to do, whether I can walk on the journey or these are also my nonsense feelings or my stupidity. What I know is I am the person who can’t be able to get control over such foolish thinking and flow with the wind storm.


9 thoughts on “Feeling something different

    Ghatozkat said:
    February 27, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    I was browsing nepalese blogs from http://www.bloggers.com.np when I reached your blog. Nice blog!

    I am also a Nepalese and run a blog. My blog can be reached at http://www.beginearning.com

    Will you be kind enough to visit my blog at http://www.beginearning.com. If you don’t like it, I won’t bother you next time.

    If you want to exchange links with my blog, send me a message from the “Contact” section in my blog.

    rewati said:
    February 28, 2008 at 11:16 am

    Dear Usthav, Nice to see ur blog after certain interval.Going thorough ur article titled “feeling something different” obviously reflect what is prevaling inside you.In this regard i want to jolt my raw ides. I guess this peculiar idea is all by ur unifirm daily routine. Dear wondring around and observing different countiries, cultures is not far from you. You have been strugging since childhood and you have conquered name, fame and good menas of livelihood.

    finally, i just like to say that human beings are always curies for the next segment. The exploration of Mars and other planets are the examples. Ur inclination towards American life is obvious because it is the next segement in my opinion.

    I request you to face all the corners of life and geography of the world if ur life time and access is adequate because permenant satisfaction can only be achieved if you ur enlighted. So, i would like to wish u all the best for ur plan because ur enlightment will be valuable to spread general people like us to shower with beautiful thoughs.

    At the edge of my feedback i just like to request you to come back to Nepal because it is in stake due to brain and muscle drain and personally i dont like to miss my genuine freind for ever.

    Have a great time. good luck.

    aAkaR said:
    March 1, 2008 at 12:12 am

    oh ! wonderful article…… actually we have so many desiers but we are unable to fullfill all these desires.And it’s a human nature… Anyway,don’t feel something else,if unwanted desires comes in ur mind just forget it……..but it’s not easy. सपना धेरै मिठो हुन्छ किनकि त्यो वास्तविक हुँदैन ।

    Basanta said:
    March 17, 2008 at 10:02 am

    You are quite ohilosophical bro!

    Deepak said:
    May 11, 2008 at 8:56 pm

    Stay cool. everything’s gonna be alright. Is it a Valentine day effect coz this post comes just after that?

    Utshab responded:
    May 12, 2008 at 8:54 am

    Hi Deepak,

    Thanks for the comment. But it is not as like you have assumed. Actually, i m confused what i have to do to make the one time precious life meaningful. Anyway, now i m getting the way out. Hope everything will be fine soon.

    Anyway, what is going on about the BLOGAN? Do you have any idea about this?

    Reality Bites said:
    May 17, 2008 at 11:11 am

    Gr8 feeling………Why not outside from the crowdy KTM for some days……..U definitely feel COOL inside U !

    appu said:
    August 21, 2008 at 10:16 am

    hii utshab da
    this article reflects whar u r.. actually..

    venkat said:
    July 11, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    Dear Utsav,

    Dreams are the real things and fate of life to run. without dreaming a man could make his life success, the dreams what you feel you say it is nonsense or stupidity feeling which is not all. The brain starts its work only after dreaming and if we have the courage to cultivate the dreams means it will definitely happen in our life brining all joys, peace, happiness, love etc…. everything in life. Our Indian President Dr. Abdul Kaalam Hasad also said the same thing to all youths that dream well and try to make your dreams as reality in life, which will be fullfilled after some time, without you realising that you can find out after achieving that your dreams has come true in life. Sometimes our dreams may be haphazardous never mind about that dreams. You will succeed in life on what your feelings are. Try to make it, brush up your mind with one pointed route and take up the brisk of doing it.

    soon I will see you achieved on your feelings. Best of Luck.

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